A friend of mine is going through a painful breakup, and though he is clearly aware of the wisdom of his choice, the absence of his partner initially brought up strong waves of emotional and physical neediness that was hard for him to deal with.
I’ve certainly experienced this myself, and it’s most overwhelming when it triggers and reflects a lack we’ve been enduring in a repetitious manner through the whole of our lives. When that occurs, it’s a clear indicator of what we have not yet learned to heal and transform.
Any neglect or abuse we suffer in our early development, imprints our minds with distorted patterns of thought about ourselves and the world we live in. These beliefs serve to insidiously perpetuate the original lack or experience of abuse, until we learn we are capable of creating and receiving what we need to thrive.
Whether it’s an internal emotional need, or an external material need, it’s only because we’ve come to believe we are separate from what we desire, that we suffer. Perhaps we believe we’re not capable of creating something we need materially, or there is some reason we cannot have the relationship we are seeking. Consequently, when our “lack radar” identifies someone or something that appears to offer what we’re desperate for, we grasp hungrily and hang on for dear life, as we have now deemed that person or situation our source of fulfillment. Many people call this “having a relationship”, and yes, it is. It’s a committed relationship to our weakness, based on fear.
Through boldly staring into our neediness (which can also be viewed through the demands and expectations we place on life and others), we can discover that it only exists because of disbelief – in ourselves and in life. We don’t trust our Creator to support its creation, and we don’t recognize our value as the expression of its infinite potential. Instead, we spend our lives looking outward for what constantly appears elusive, and we compete to get what we perceive exists in limited supply, with limited time to acquire it. It’s a living hell that devalues everyone in the process.
If, rather, we confront our insanity by looking inward and cultivating the awareness and resource of our spiritual nature, we experience the extraordinary. We experience transcendence. My friend and I spoke about all the patterns of behavior he could identify to understand how he participated in winding up in the same place, once again, in relationship. We traced his use of manipulation and control, to the fears generated from the original wounds of neglect he experienced.
Because he had the support and courage to face his behaviors, and the willingness to take responsibility for them, he was able to move to the next step. He asked God to lift him out of the darkness and place him in the light of consciousness and love. I’ve said it often: it doesn’t matter what word you use (God/Spirit/Universe); it matters that you acknowledge and commune with the source of your creation, however you believe, and that you ask for help. The nature of Spirit is not intrusive: we have to pick up the phone and call; we have to put up the antennae to get the signal. That’s what prayer and spiritual ceremony is for.
My friend followed his prayers with reading and listening to “higher mind” material, and he meditated. It stopped the madness, and within two short days, he had been delivered safely and lovingly to higher ground. As his process continues to unfold, he can return to his spiritual practice to stay open and expansive in mind, and tend honorably to the healing that accompanies such transformation. He can move forward from wholeness and love; available to the miraculous flow of miracles that can now effectively come forth to reflect the true abundance in every aspect of his life.
Any repetitive form of significant loss or lack (inner or outer) deserves our mature consideration and reflection. Only then do we learn what part we’ve played, what illusions have snared us, and how we can change. My dear friend demonstrated when we are willing to stand in the light of consciousness with compassion for ourselves and others, and we ask for the help to do so, all manner of support is activated in the Universe to rush to our aid and fulfill our healing and transformation.
We are returned to our limitless nature in full capacity, where our needs have already been met, and our dreams have the potential to be realized through our true ability as co-creators in this amazing world on this beautiful planet, all of which exists to support and love us.